The Lady on Top

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Empowering Women To Unlock Their Full Potential

The Lady on Top  - Dedicated in empowering women to unlock their full potential.

Why Do Relationships Fail?


Ah, relationships. I’m sure if I were to ask each one of you to tell me why did your previous relationships fail, I would be here for hours. So, trust me. I won’t go there. This post is dedicated to the single ladies. The single ladies who still believe love can be right around the corner. Women who will keep trying until they’ve found the “perfect” man. The perfect man who will exceed her expectations and give her endless happiness.

Today I want to talk to you about a woman who kept trying and trying to find the perfect husband and getting rid of those who didn’t meet her expectations. This woman lived a long time ago in Samaria and had five husbands.  She is known as the Samaritan woman.

“He told her, “Go, call your husband and come back. I have no husband,” she replied. Jesus said to her, “You are right when you say you have no husband.  The fact is, you have had five husbands, and the man you now have is not your husband. What you have just said is quite true.” - John 4: 16-19

The Samaritan woman had five husbands and there is nothing better than this scripture to tell us why relationships fail. Five times she got married and five times her relationships ended. We don’t know if they failed because her husbands abandoned her or passed away. To know why her relationships failed, it’s best to use our imagination to know more about this woman. For this woman to get into five relationships and have five men wanting to marry her, it was evident she was a beautiful, attractive woman.

What do you think is the one thing a beautiful woman needs? To find a man who will love her? No, I doubt it. The one thing a beautiful woman needs is to find a friend. All the men who come close to a beautiful woman usually want to seduce her and sleep with her. It’s hard to find one man who will come close to a beautiful woman and offer their friendship. The Samaritan woman was also beautiful because all the men who came close to her fell in love with her and married her. We can also say she was a woman who was emotionally dependent on a man. She couldn’t live without having a man by her side and  panicked if she was by herself. She looked for a man to give her security, identity, value and stability in the relationship. You can tell this woman couldn’t live without a man because when the first one didn’t work, she went on to the next. Decades later you can still see women being emotionally dependent on a man…wanting to give her security, identity and endless happiness.

We can also say that after the five men who passed through her life, she formed a distorted image of men. The notion that all men are the same and are after the same thing.  She even wanted to apply this same concept of masculinity to Jesus.

“Now he had to go through Samaria. So he came to a town in Samaria called Sychar, near the plot of ground Jacob had given to his son Joseph. Jacob’s well was there, and Jesus, tired as he was from the journey, sat down by the well. It was about noon. When a Samaritan woman came to draw water, Jesus said to her, “Will you give me a drink?” (His disciples had gone into the town to buy food.)  The Samaritan woman said to him, “You are a Jew and I am a Samaritan woman. How can you ask me for a drink?” (For Jews do not associate with Samaritans.)” John 4: 6-9

Jesus had walked long hours in the middle of the desert and gets to the well  tired and hungry. He can’t get water from the well because it’s too deep. He asks the woman to get him water. She said, give you water? That’s an old trick everyone uses. You know Jews will not talk to a Samaritan woman except when they only want one thing. Sex. She thought Jesus was like every other man who passed through her life. She was a woman left with a distorted image of men. Even after the five men left, she was a woman who was still thirsty of everything she looked for in a man. A man who gave her security, value, stability, identity, and authentic happiness.


In response to the Samaritan woman, Jesus said,

“Jesus answered her, “If you knew the gift of God and who it is that asks you for a drink, you would have asked him and he would have given you living water.” “Sir,” the woman said, “you have nothing to draw with and the well is deep. Where can you get this living water?  Are you greater than our father Jacob, who gave us the well and drank from it himself, as did also his sons and his livestock?”

Jesus answered, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again,  but whoever drinks the water I give them will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give them will become in them a spring of water welling up to eternal life.”

The woman said to him, “Sir, give me this water so that I won’t get thirsty and have to keep coming here to draw water.” John 4: 10-15

The woman was profoundly thirsty. The water represents those (the men) who calmed her thirst for a short while. Can you imagine what she said when she first met her husband?  She probably said, “I’ve finally found the one. The one who will finally give me authentic happiness.” And yes, he made her happy, but only for a short time. When it ended, the authentic thirst happened again. And she looked for it in the second, the third and fourth…

Her encounter with Jesus impacted her because He was the first one who didn’t try to seduce her. Jesus was the first man who genuinely gave her his friendship. In Jesus she gains a new image of men.  Jesus shows her to stop looking for a man to give her value, stability and identity and instead start worshipping God.

 “Sir,” the woman said, “I can see that you are a prophet. Our ancestors worshiped on this mountain, but you Jews claim that the place where we must worship is in Jerusalem.”

“Woman,” Jesus replied, “believe me, a time is coming when you will worship the Father neither on this mountain nor in Jerusalem. You Samaritans worship what you do not know;we worship what we do know, for salvation is from the Jews. Yet a time is coming and has now come when the true worshipers will worship the Father in the Spirit and in truth, for they are the kind of worshipers the Father seeks. God is spirit, and his worshipers must worship in the Spirit and in truth.” John 4: 19-24

Worshipping God is one form of salvation. If you dont’ worship God, then you’ll start worshipping your partner, boyfriend or husband. What does it mean worshipping your partner? It means to think your partner has the power or capacity to give you what only God can give you… living water!  Even if you have the perfect man.. the one who respects you, is faithful to you, and loves you unconditionally, he is not God! Do you know how much you worship your partner? You find out during a crisis. When your partner stops loving you or leaves you. When you say, “if he leaves me, my life is over.” Tell me if that isn’t worshipping your partner?

The only person on this earth you cannot live without is God. You need to say, “God, I can’t live without you!” Not to your partner. He is the only one who will calm your thirst and give you endless happiness.

Why do relationships fail? Because you put your happiness in someone’s hands, instead of giving it to God. You give something so fragile to a human being to take care of. Relationships fail because of the endless expectations you set for your partner. If you think your partner will make you happy. He won’t. That type of happiness is only temporary. God’s happiness is everlasting. You need to stop giving your partner the power to make you happy. Your partner can make you happy, but he is not the definition of happiness… God is!

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Category: Relationships
  • Gretel says:

    Beautifully written.

    November 19, 2013 at 7:34 pm
  • george says:

    this is a very powerful message that I think most people in relationship have not read.It is indeed God who has the power to give us true happiness.

    March 20, 2014 at 6:02 pm

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